so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
