i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
