1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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