i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
