I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
