"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
