i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
