The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
