I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
