your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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