I hate your face
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize