I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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