quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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