I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
