Whod you bang
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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