I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
