Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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