I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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