I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
