Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize