That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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