it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
