I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
