I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
