woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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