and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am one with the molecules
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
