your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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