Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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