I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
