i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
