On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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