You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
