My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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