I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
