Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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