you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
