the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
