that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize