Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
