Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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