i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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