I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize