Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
