i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
