This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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