Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
