Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize