If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
