Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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