we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
