I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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