Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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