those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
