Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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