You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
