i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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