I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
