I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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