drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
