This is not my ceiling
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
