I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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