I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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