i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize