i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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