I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
