only if we run a train.
done.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
