after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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