Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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