i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
