i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
