If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
