he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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