Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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