I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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