everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
