I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
