wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
