ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize