I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize