yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
did you just send me my own nude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
