I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
