Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize