So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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