You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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