she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
