All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My feet surprised me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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