So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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