the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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