At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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