Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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