Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
love makes seman taste better
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
