he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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