I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
