Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
